my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
