i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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