i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He called his prostate his "boner button".
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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