I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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