apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
