Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
