Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize