on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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