your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
