So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
