you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
