What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
