If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
