you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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