You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
