she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
