I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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