I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
