Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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