The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
