i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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