you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
