He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
