Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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