Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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