What did we do last night that was yellow?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize