I love black thongs
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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