Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
