after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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