So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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