haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
