mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
