So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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