I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize