Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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