I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Randomize
