using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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