apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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