my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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