This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
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I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
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With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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