I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
