i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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