Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
