dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
