I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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