I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
