it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
