my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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