Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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