He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
