I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
