Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
