So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
They are going to name an STD after you.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
