I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
