he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
