Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
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I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
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It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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