I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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