That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
