I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
a search helicopter?!
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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