And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
as a side note pls kill me
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
