I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
