Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
