after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
