I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
