Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
