I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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