Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
